Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Liveblogging My Novel!!!

I was completely gobsmacked to learn today that I am a published author! While working out at one of the branches today I discovered not one but two novels by Katherine Irons just sitting there on the shelf. Of course I had to check them out immediately to find out exactly what I've been up to.  What I discovered is so exciting I actually excavated my old blog, Populucious, (populucious.blogspot.com) just so I could share the experience with you.  

According to the Author information I am from Delaware. I live in a 300 year old house with my husband. I enjoy writing, of course, and also reading, travel, and beach combing. I can be found at www.katherineirons.net

A visit to www.katherineirons.net further informs me that I have written 3 novels in the Seaborne series, Seaborne, Oceanborne and Waterborne, all of which are available through Amazon.com, so get thee there and ring me up some royalty checks!

My website opens with a poem of sorts. Maybe a brief emotional essay would be more apt. “Atlantis, the name calls from the deepest part of my soul. As long as I can remember, the images in the mind's eye, evoked by memories of a hidden world beneath the sea...as crisp and real as the smell of the crashing surf on a winter's day.”

There's more but I'm too emotional to go into it right now.

The books I write, oh, where to begin? Well, I posted cover pics on FB earlier today to help you set the mood and they all are, of course, clearly shown on my website, www.katherineirons.net, My imagination, so intricate and effulgent, does not include shirts for men, ok?

One of my cover men, let's call him SexxyMullet, wields a broadsword. Another, lets call him PoutyFabio, wields a trident. One of them, let's call him SixPack McGee, wields no weapon at all. LAME. SixPack McGee kind of confuses me because although I'm getting an “ocean” vibe from my work, he looks like a lost cowboy. I think it's the belt buckle. SixPack Mcgee is on my first novel and frankly I think someone in the art department just slapped an extra drawing from a western bodice ripper on my cover. My agent will be hearing from me.

Disappointment in SixPack McGee's lack of weaponry aside, let's take a look inside Seaborne and see what delights await.

It's July in Maine the chapter heading tells us. There's a thunderstorm a comin and people are fleeing from the ocean side in droves. We open on SixPack McGee, whose name for the purposes of this book is “Morgan”. Ok, not a great lead out of the gate. Naming one's hero after 80s nighttime soap actresses is not a strong start but let's not write him off yet.

Morgan is watching a fishing boat flounder against the rocks. He is en-gripped in a terrible moral dilemma. On the one hand, apparently he may have at his disposal the means to help them. On the other hand, lengthy discussion of the evils of over-fishing, mankind losing touch with nature, litter at the bottom of the ocean. Also, oil spills. Also, Global Warming.

We're at the top of page 2 and you better believe that I Care, mmkay? This is no empty romance novel about horny Amish chicks with no concern about the environment. This is dark, gritty, unvarnished reality, unafraid to look the horrors of humanity square in the eye. You can't stop the signal!

Ok but back to the first hand though, he sees a kid on the boat fall into the ocean and it's not like the kid is responsible for all the dead fish so Morgan succumbs to his “gentle heart” and “casting a net of hypnotic illusion around himself” transforms himself into a dolphin and saves the boy. SNAP! I bet you did not see that coming! My hero is a merman.

After saving the boy, dolphin man swims off when suddenly he is surrounded by a menacing group of fish men. Their leader, we are told, is Morgan's half brother Caddoc. Caddoc is evil and you know this right away because he has dark hair. Also, his eyes are “small and dark, with the clear and merciless gaze of a killer whale”. See, a lot of writers would have just used “shark” there, but I buck all trends.

Apparently many things. Apparently Caddoc hates Morgan. Apparently saving human lives is against Fish Law. Apparently Morgan is not fond of Caddoc who is “oversexed” and likes “swive-ing” anything he can get his hands on including his ugly Samoan fishman bodyguard Tora. Ok, wow. I'm homophobic. I didn't see that coming.

We learn some other things like that fish men don't have tails but wear kilts, because, duh!

They threaten each other with dangerous weapons, but then Morgan, we discover, is clever and talks his way out of the fight with no violence. Still, he broke Fish Law, so probably that's going to come back later. I'm just guessing. Morgan finds himself swimming back to shore, as if pulled by some unknown force, like a magnet almost, if magnets attracted living things and not metal.

Meanwhile, on land, in a tragic mansion overlooking the sea, we are introduced to Claire. Claire is sad. The rain means she can't go to the beach which is her only joy and comfort. It's hard to imagine why this beautiful, wealthy young woman would be so sad until, wait a minute, pan back, she's in a wheelchair! Shut the front door! Yes, once upon a time, last year, Claire Bishop had it all. Beauty, brains, money and an active sex life. She was on the American Olympic Riding Team and owned a horse named Gold Dust. Then “an accident” and now “she, who had enjoyed sex so much, would never know physical love again, never marry again, never have a reason to exist.” Also riding, dancing, and walking are off the list. Also, driving. Also, conceiving a child.

She's especially sad today because her private investigator just called and told her that he can find no information about her birth mother. Although Claire was adopted as a child, she longs to know about her real mother. All she knows is that she was young, musically gifted and very beautiful. Well, that's all Very Mysterious. I wonder where it might lead?

I don't know. I know I wrote this, but I can hardly see where it's going. I mean, how on earth will this lonely paralyzed woman whose only solace is sitting beside the ocean every day even meet this sensitive New Age fish guy? It would be nice if they did meet though. They seem like good kids, except for the homophobia.    


Holly said...

Just as I was thinking, "Of course they don't wear shirts - they're mermen!" you said they wear kilts. Now I'm terribly confused.

Anonymous said...

I know an author! That excites me. Don't your books sell? If so, why hide in a open cubby, I say spread your wings. Or spill your tea. Whichever you prefer, I am okay with it. Snort.